Apparently song writing is going to be the theme on here for a while longer. TWO DAYS...just two days until National Song Writing Month starts. Yes, I am excited. I'm hoping this year goes better than last. Last year, I came out with several good songs, but most of my songs were about cats and loading the dishwasher :D And I honestly wasn't true to the challenge because altogether, good songs and bad, I probably only wrote about twenty. This year I am going all in though. 31 days, 31 songs, 31 moments pouring my heart out on the page. There will definitely be sleepless nights of writing, tear-filled days of exposing my soul. My fingers will grow even more calloused then they already are, and yes, I will constantly have a shred of paper in my pocket to write things down when inspiration strikes.
Why do I do this, you ask? I wrote my first song probably when I was 7 years old. I don't really remember it, but I'm sure it was terrible. I've been writing music for as long as I can remember. I look back through all my past journals, only to discover countless songs that I've written over the years. Most are terrible, but all are me pouring my heart out on the page. In some of my darkest moments when I didn't know who to talk to or where to turn, I've turned to a pen and the page. The other day I came across some songs I wrote when I was ten, right after me and my family lost everything in Hurricane Katrina. That was definitely one of the darkest moments of my life, and looking back on what I wrote I see the desperation, but I also see the hope. And that's why I write music.
I write to expose who I am, what I've done, the pain and the sorrow, but also the hope I have in Christ. I have written some pretty downer songs in my day, and like in my last blog post, I've had some pretty angry moments in my life. But life is never going to be butterflies and rainbows, and life goes on after the pain. The music I've written over the years shows that. Looking back through my journals, I see the seasons where everything was great and I was happy, but I also see the moments where it didn't seem like I wanted to go on anymore. Yeah, sure, my experiences are my own, but those feelings I have felt are normal human emotions.
And that's why I write. Because I want people to know that it gets better, and I want them to know that after the pain life goes on. I want them to see that I'm a normal person like them, a person who struggles, and I want them to see that after all the brokenness and all the seeking for something to satisfy, I have been left empty and even more broken. I write to show to remember where I've come from and where I'm going. I write because after everything I've been through I still have hope.
There have been moments in my life when a song was the only reason why I still had hope. I didn't hope in God; there were moments when I hated God. But a song, a song was all I needed. And that song gave me hope, and not only did it give me hope, but it eventually pointed me back towards God. Music has power.
I want music to be my weapon. I want my music to give hope. Writing has given me hope; it has given me healing. Throughout everything that's happened these past two months, I've constantly been writing. It's really only word vomit, practically worthless, but they are my thoughts and emotions on a page. And one day I will look back on this moment and where I've been and I will realize that this is a moment I needed to live because these are the moments that have made me who I am.
So here's to writing! I am broken and tired, and I have so many thoughts that I just need to throw on a page. And I know I'm not the only one. I hope that whoever reads this realizes that they have a voice, that you have a unique story that you need to share, that you have human emotions that ought to be expressed, and that your song could help someone...someone like me. Don't undervalue your potential to create music that could just be what someone else needs to hear. Regardless of whether or not you've ever written a song, try to write at least one this month!
And just remember, Music has power; it has power like nothing else. For a while it was the only thing on this planet I cared about, the only thing worth living for. And I know that I'm not the only one who has felt that way.
Just remember, if I can do this, anyone can.
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